Waffels for breakfast, Anorexia for lunch

2004-05-17T12:17:00.000-07:00

"Be a Columbus to whole new continents and worlds within you, opening new channels, not of trade, but of thought." "The life in us is like the water in the river." Henry David Thoreau TIS ONLY IN THEIR DREAMS THAT MEN TRULY BE FREE, 'TWAS ALWAYS THUS, AND ALWAYS THUS WILL BE. -KEATING. The Tear When Friendship or Love Our sympathies

2004-05-13T12:39:00.001-07:00

http://hillary.tblog.com/ Check out my new blog address... I started this new blog because I wanted more options- then about a week later...Blogger updated-Damn. ah well...check it out regardless. its with tblog

2004-05-13T12:39:00.000-07:00

2004-04-28T13:31:00.000-07:00

Thanks lauren for helping me with the test... I wish I could post photos on here. that would be really neat-0 I added a comment section in this blog because I'm wondering if anyone ever reads this. so If you are reading this drop me a comment. Just so I know. You can just say hi if you want...You don't really have to comment on anything that I write. Im @ work right now and its boring as hell.

2004-04-23T17:49:00.000-07:00

HA! I sold my car for a sucky 275.00 Thats what you can get for a totalled car, I guess. Fuck the insurance company! I hate those motha fuckers. ah well... time to move on. I dont have much to write about. BLAH

2004-04-23T14:47:00.000-07:00

LUCID DREAMING means dreaming while knowing that you are dreaming. This consciousness allows you to guide your dreams. Incidentally, how do you know that you aren't dreaming right now? here are some symbols in dreams and what they mean. flying - astral projection face - identity fence - limitation earth - subconscious mind substance field - subconscious awareness computer - brain mathematics -

2004-04-21T15:57:00.000-07:00

Baker baker can you explain if truly his heart was made of icing and I wonder how mine could taste Maybe we could change his mind Time Thought I'd made friends with time Thought we'd be flying Maybe not this time Baker Baker baking a cake Make me a day Make me whole again and I wonder if he's okay If you see him say hi. - Tori Amos Im tired in every aspect of my

2004-04-20T18:42:00.000-07:00

Can't stop what's coming Can't stop what's on its way... - Tori Amos I recked my car last night and I let someone back in that I shouldn't have. I don't know whats wrong with me. I knew he was gonna flip the switch today. Why do I keep going back. This is just so wrong. Everything I do is so wrong. I don't know how to change my issues... any help? any one have any ideas? tell me

2004-04-15T09:03:00.000-07:00

Hey! Thanks for sticking up for me, lady's! David's a tool. HAHA. It's hilarious that he tried to get with Melissa- Shit, He knows we 3 are friends but he tried to disrespect me in front of ya'll and you girls stood up for me. Thanks! That means so much to me. yall are my DOB's! For Eva haahahaha. Ghetto. Anyways, Saw Tyler and mark for a bit last night and that was fun... thank god they didn't

2004-04-14T14:58:00.000-07:00

Well things are sucking... Bigtime! I was very happy with the way my life was going...now, not so much My grandmother had a heart attack last wednesday... Its really hard to watch some one you love age and get sick. Its been really hard for me to deal with the reality that one day she wont be around and my children will never know her like I knew her. She is the most amazing woman I know, and I

2004-04-05T16:31:00.000-07:00

Why is life so fickle...Maybe its not Life but just people...In My life. I'm one to talk. I can;t make up my mind most of the time. I keep telling my self that now is no time for a relationship with A dude. But my actions get me in to so much trouble. I started some thing that I don't really want to fininsh or take any where because of work related drama. Never a good thing but so tempting. SO

2004-04-01T10:00:00.000-07:00

It like this alot lauren... So I copy you. But I say "true that" When you're young, you dream of love and happiness, things like flowers and weddings. They never told you of the pain and the drama of life and love. They left out all the stuff before the 'happily ever after'. They never told you life isn't a fairytale, you're not cinderella, and you're fucking lucky to find a prince. How come

2004-04-01T09:49:00.000-07:00

I am getting so depressed. These last few days have been a struggle. To top it off this white trash chick called me a fat bitch last night. What a hater. I was minding my own business having a great time with my friend and she stuck her nose in our conversation and called me a fat bitch for no reason. Plus work is a bore and mark is considering another girl. Which means theres going to be no sex

2004-03-22T18:06:00.000-07:00

God I want to go Shopping! Everything was going so great and now...As of yesterday I am having a shitty life again. WTF For real! Oh well. @ least It motovated me to do my taxes last night. And I really don't like the way things are going latly. I want to get every thing fixed and done so I can start my life.

2004-03-18T09:39:00.000-07:00

A Rose is still a rose...Baby Girl, You're Still a flower... Just wanted to remind you of that... You know who you are. I need to get out of town. Life is getting all kinds of blah. boring and all that bull shit. I thought about taking the position @ Galleria But I was advised not to. So I am not going to. I will be just chillin here @ stonebriar. having a great ole' time. (not so much) Im

2004-03-15T15:55:00.000-07:00

Okay Things are getting really weird! Im not sure about anything or anyone right now. Everything is so fucked up. I only seem to get with these weird guys that have all these rule and shit. And Baggage and Problems and "serious Issues" fuck it. I don;t need any of it. They just need to leave me alone. I can take care of myself that's all I need to be concerned about. I keep telling myself these

2004-03-15T15:18:00.000-07:00

Breathe in for luck, breathe in so deep, this air is blessed, you share with me This night is wild, so calm and dull, these hearts they race from self control Your legs are smooth, as they graze mine, ee're doing fine, we're doing nothing at all My hopes are so high, that your kiss might kill me. So won't you kill me, so I die happy? My heart is yours to fill or burst, to break or bury, Or wear

2004-03-12T16:37:00.000-07:00

Yeah... I have been practically begging mark lately... That really shoots down your self esteem when you are constantly being told No. I hate this. It really pisses me off. Its like I'm super crazy. I don't even want it that bad (ok, a little bad, but not THAT much) Its just when some one denies me I just want to argue about it. WTF is wrong with me. I need to learn how to just be alone. Just

2004-03-08T19:56:00.000-07:00

Well I thought this would be a lot easier but its not. I have to have more that what is being given. It just not good enough. I have needs that have to be fulfilled and as of now they are not being handled the way I want them to be, Too bad, it sucks because its really not a lot to handle it's just a little responsibility and he can't do it. and I already knew this but I thought I could deal

2004-03-05T21:57:00.000-07:00

Hey Things are going good... I can't wait to get paid next Friday. Its gonna rock! Not much to write about. Im just trying to get organized and all caught up. I need to get a good life, where I;m happy. And I am getting there. Not there yet but almost. :) I am growing up a lot. Im not out all night long and Im getting stable in my job and Im making plans. It nice. I feel very steady. I've got

2004-03-01T17:57:00.000-07:00

I can;t believe some people...Damn. everyone's gotta be in everyone else's business. Silly really. I feel sorry for those people who make it their main concern to get involved in the personal lives of others. Even people who say they are your friends still want to get dirt on you and use information against you. (No,Lauren- This is not about you. Ha! I just had to clarify that. Even though it

2004-02-28T18:06:00.000-07:00

Work is going good... We sold so much today. Selling and talking to people give me great energy. I think it helps me learn to communicate better. I've always had a problem expressing things so that others can understand what I'm saying. I use a lot of profanity..Example: "hey! I'm gonna sell that shit!" Or "let's make some shit" or "look at that shit" Here at work I can't use that kind of

2004-02-24T12:56:00.000-07:00

This is so freakin' boring but at the same time its kinda nice. I can;t wait till Kenny gets here. I wanna chill. I don't have to work tomorrow, So I'll be straight kickin' it. haha. This computer at work is sucking balls right now... Its not sending my files to the place it is supposed to. gurr! I hate it! Well I guess our shopping trip to condom sense was bunk. haha, But its always fun to look

2004-02-23T17:56:00.000-07:00

Oops I Did it again... haha, only me dude seriously. Anyways, I have so much money just sitting in my bank account and its killing me. I want to shop like no other. This really sucks. I told myself that I will wait till I get paid on Friday to make and purchases for my self. that's gonna be really hard. I had to pay a bill today so that was fun. I got to spend a little bit of money. haha that's

2004-02-21T18:14:00.000-07:00

Oh my god I hope ya'll get this sorted out. don't fight. It's not fun at all. Last night was really bizar. It was Zek's birthday and the boy's got smashed. haha. beer before liquor, makes you sicker! may have sounded like a good idea at the time but it turned out to be not so good. It sucks when you are sitting in the dirt puking up mexican food all night :) Amusing all of your friends at the

2004-02-20T18:34:00.000-07:00

I'm a Seven This so freakin' describes me... Its almost scary. I am super bored right now... I think lauren is a four. most def.

2004-02-20T18:24:00.000-07:00

Healthy Sevens Are: Optimistic, enthusiastic, spontaneous, idealistic, curious, generous, and often multitalented. They uplift and enliven others and are fun to be around. Unhealthy Sevens Can Be: Self-centered, self-indulgent, insensitive, narcissistic, hyperactive, undisciplined, and have problems with completion and long-term commitments. The primary character traits of the Seven, which are

2004-02-20T17:44:00.000-07:00

Basic Fear: Of being deprived and in pain Basic Desire: To be satisfied and content — to have their needs fulfilled Enneagram Seven with a Six-Wing: "The Entertainer" Enneagram Seven with an Eight-Wing: "The Realist" Profile Summary for the Enneagram Type Seven Healthy: Highly responsive, excitable, enthusiastic about sensation and experience. Most extroverted type: stimuli bring immediate

2004-02-20T17:04:00.000-07:00

Existence takes precedence over essence and holding that man is totally free and responsible for his acts. This responsibility is the source of dread and anguish that encompass mankind. "man makes himself," for there is always, until death, another chance. "If God does not exist, one will lose nothing by believing in him, while if he does exist, one will lose everything by not believing." -

2004-02-20T16:13:00.000-07:00

Life is weird. people have so many hang ups and it makes living life difficult. where is the line between normal and strange? How do you get past other peoples problems and want to incorporate them in to your own. Where is the book that tells you which issues are understandable and which are unforgivable? I need to know all these things. Everyone I seem to get involved with has so many issues.

2004-01-18T17:33:00.000-07:00

Hey!!! I know I haven't written in a long time but I have had technical difficulties (my computer blew up) so I guess its time to catch up... My birthday was on wednesday...Totally shitty but that goes w/o saying... umm I haven't talked to henry in a long time and that hurts really bad... if you are reading this- call me, I miss you and I want to know how you've been. I chatted briefly with Randy

2004-01-02T00:19:00.000-07:00

Happy new year!!! I have had a great holiday this year although the weather here is unseasonably warm... Thats alright I guess... my dear Eddie... What can I say- Not a good way to ring in the new year. I hope things get better for you. My 21st birthday is on the 14th and I am very excited about that! I can't wait to party it up! Even if I have to do it all by myself- Hopefully it wont come to

2003-12-30T01:59:00.000-07:00

Well two more days till the new year. That means I'll have to get started on all of my resoultions. Hehe... I have already started but I still have a ways to go to finish all my plans for the new year. I wrote them all down and its almost a full page. One promise that I intend to keep is the one about my relationships with guys that dont give a rats ass about me. ( Jeff) lol- I saw him last

2003-12-29T01:39:00.000-07:00

I have a dream... hehe I talked to My buddy camron tonight tring to convince him that nice guys do, eventually, finish first... It just takes time and a lot of waiting- and masterbating. hehe- There's nothing I hate more than listening to a conversation that is so fucked up and you can't say anything because it not your conversation to be in. Men, or should I say boys, have some of the

2003-12-22T09:01:00.000-07:00

Yes! Score! I talked to Randy last night. He is so very cute! I really want him to be my man. HAHA- He's so real. No strange hang ups and all that kind of shit. Well as far as I know anyways. Henry is still not coming through but thats okay. I'm just a little disappointed. I know that I shouldn't feel that way but I do. It's not all that big of a deal but I guess I know where it all stands.

2003-12-20T14:00:00.000-07:00

Your fate has been decided.... You are one of the lucky ones! Because of your virtue and beliefs, you have escaped eternal punishment. You are sent to the First Level of Hell - Limbo! First Level of Hell - Limbo -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Charon ushers you across the river Acheron, and you find yourself upon the brink of grief's abysmal

2003-12-20T12:29:00.000-07:00

Heaven, Everything is fine... Don't worry about all this shit. I'm just being a bitch and I'm sorry.I don't know why but something set me off. I haven't called you because I don't know what to say. I guess something that happened in the past few weeks has reminded me of Rita. Let me tell you about her. This is really strange and I know that. I know I have talked to you about her in the past but

2003-12-16T18:17:00.000-07:00

God sometimes you just don't come through God sometimes you just don't come through Do you need a woman to look after you God sometimes you just don't come through You make pretty daisies pretty daisies love I gotta find what you're doing about things here a few witches burning gets a little toasty here I gotta find why you always go when the wind blows tell me you're crazy maybe then I'll

2003-12-16T15:41:00.000-07:00

Things are seeming to work out... I am so excited for 2004! I have made a list this year for my resolutions! Its really long and I think all of my resoultions are really atainable. Thats a plus. Now If I could Just hook the Hottie next door everything would be great! I really like him and he's 23. Finally someone close to my age.haha! I saw jeff the other day... on his birthday. that was cool- I

2003-12-12T02:28:00.000-07:00

Our lives are to long to live by anothers design. Make your life worth every second. Continue to grow. Expand your ablilties and never surrender individual thought.

2003-12-09T12:27:00.000-07:00

Capricorn is the leader of the Earth signs. Here is a stabilizing force, one of the hardest-working signs of the Zodiac. The Mountain Goat has intense powers of self-concentration, but not in an egotistical sense. Members of this sign find a great deal more confidence what they do than in who they are. Earth hangs tough when it comes to stabilization, so achievement provides that stability and

2003-12-07T23:49:00.000-07:00

Lots of crazyness has happened in the last week, For everyone I know. All I can say is It Will Get Better. Lucky wants to help me get all my crazy shit together and I am very greatful. And pretty excited about starting over. Lauren, Chill. Everything will be better soon just give things time and just be liad back- like I know you can be. Not everything has to be so hard. And giving some space

2003-11-30T19:34:00.000-07:00

Heaven bent to take my hand And lead me through the fire Be the long awaited answer To a long and painful fight Truth be told I've tried my best But somewhere along the way I got caught up in all there was to offer And the cost was so much more than I could bear Though I've tried, I've fallen... I have sunk so low I have messed up Better I should know So don't come round here And tell me I told

2003-11-30T18:56:00.000-07:00

Yes, I am very very sleepy... all the time. I slept like crazy the past few days. Friday night I went to hang up signs in Allen and Plano for this dating service to make extra cash. I was out till 4 am- I slept in the next day till around 3 pm. Mommy got mad- as usual. Then last night was Steve-o's birthday party and was out till around 5 am- Beautiful hotel! all decorated for christmas but

2003-11-25T23:50:00.000-07:00

I am really excited about thanksgiving... Its my favorite holiday. Alot of people will be at my house, we had to get 2 turkeys this year! Anyways... I was told on monday that I am getting promoted next week! That makes my happy X 2! I cant wait to make better money- Things are happening. And there isn't much to write about tonight. Not anything to complain about-hehe. Sometimes I feel like thats

2003-11-24T11:27:00.000-07:00

Tonight I learned something very important about love and friendship and true human emotion. This is going to be a deep one so if you aren't in the mood for it I'd say Skip on down to the next one. I have a friend that I care for very much. I haven't known him for very long but he has made me a better person just by listening to him talk. Tonight he explained what true love should be. He told me

2003-11-23T03:51:00.000-07:00

This has been a weird week. After the wedding and all the fam went home It feels kind of strange at my house. But at the same time it's really nice to have alone time again. I have to say something... Why do put me in a catagory ?- With out my permission. And then get upset when I break that mold that you single handedly made for me. Everyone is diverse. Thats just the way we are made.If everyone

2003-11-16T14:15:00.000-07:00

After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul, And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't mean security, And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises, and you accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open, with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child, and you learn to build all

2003-11-12T11:49:00.000-07:00

Its hard to watch a person go through so much pain. Self inflicted of course. Its all just a fairy tale and when reality hits, it hits like a sledge hammer. Busting up your dreams with no effort at all. Its scary how vulnerable we make ourselves. how one person who is worth as much as a large bag of shit, can make our lives miserable when they don't deserve to have that kind of power in the

2003-11-11T12:48:00.000-07:00

W. B. Yeats He Wishes for the Cloths of Heaven Had I the heavens' embroidered cloths, Enwrought with golden and silver light, The blue and the dim and the dark cloths Of night and light and the half-light, I would spread the cloths under your feet: But I, being poor, have only my dreams; I have spread my dreams under your feet; Tread softly because you tread on my dreams

2003-11-07T20:50:00.000-07:00

Okay I know that you know that I write in this blog to blow off steam. And I know that you do the same thing in your blog. No I did not write that stuff to start a fight. I shouldn't have to censor my thoughts. It is a privilege To read this blog- and I think the same way about reading your's. I NEVER told you that those people would never love you. But they won't if you never tell them or let

2003-11-07T11:28:00.000-07:00

Thank you For giving me everything I need to be who I am. And all my goodness and hate and love and everything that makes me who I am today.Who I am everyday. I think about all of this and smile. You have done more than you know. positive and negitive. But all the same and I am greatful for my tears and my joy. You are a strong force and whether you are real or just a picture in a stain glass

2003-11-06T11:25:00.000-07:00

"You look like shit, whats your problem bitch?" "Your legs feel like sandpaper, you can't do anything right"

2003-11-06T11:24:00.000-07:00

Fuck the bull shit. The "don't knock it before you try it" mentality is so ludicrous. I can make my mind up for myself. I am sorry but I took the comment about me being close-minded to heart. just because I don't want or like the same things as others doesn't make me feeble minded and that is so wrong to say. I think that its okay to like thinks or dislike things. its all personal opinions. And

2003-11-02T00:56:00.000-07:00

"It is not life that counts, But the courage you bring to it" "life is good, moment to moment, & bad, on the whole, for lack of design. We must make (always have) Our own design- Relate ourselves with ourselves, Eachother, society,& universe. Love only is design (only is consistant)" -jack Kerouac

2003-10-30T15:59:00.000-07:00

Hi!!!! I have a new outlook on things. I love Halloween. I cant wait to go to all the parties and have lots of fun. Meet new people. I just dont know what I am gonna be. Its gonna be so sexy though. Love to all- " Imagine A butterfly wing that flutters the air that stirs the wind that creates the storm that roils the sea thatcrashes the coastline of a Distant shore. We are a part of everything

2003-10-28T23:22:00.000-07:00

Top Ten Things I hate * 10- I really don't like people all that much. * 9- Okay I hate people, all types of them. I don't discrimate I just hate everyone equally. except for those 10 % whom I love and Trust. * 8- I hate my life because I am stuck in a trap. A circle. I can't seem to break away from things that hurt me and I carry them around with me all day... Which makes me unhappy and makes

2003-10-27T15:55:00.000-07:00

Hello? Are you out there? "Not even god takes this long to get back, so get back. Cause I hit a fuck in the road and lost my way home. Cut off from the main line " "hello?" "how do I reach you?"

2003-10-27T01:24:00.000-07:00

This is my letter to anyone who understands why I am writing this. You know who you are. I want to tell you what's really going on. To Tell you who I am because I don't think you have thought about this. and I (of course) Have thought about you. Everyday. I know or I thought I knew, a lot about you. Who you are,What you are tring to do and what you don't think I know about you... But I know- I

2003-10-26T10:38:00.000-07:00

Disregarded when he is not inside. why is this the way it has to be? disregareded when he is not being pleasured. who do you think I am? This is who I am... Disobliged every day and night. hand picked to be insignificant. Immolating myself to an undeseriving GOD. Associated with every juggernaunt in this world.

2003-10-26T00:43:00.000-07:00

You Know I need your love, You've got that hold over me, As long as I've got your love, you know that I'll never leave. I am not stupid, I promise :) I just need to distance myself from men. Tonight Danny kissed me and it was weird. Its not like I've never kissed him before but It was just not right. He always kisses me on the cheek and we've gotten a little hot and heavy in the past but that

2003-10-22T21:41:00.000-07:00

Tonight I cried. I really don't know what my problem is. I am a selfish,insensitive, needy person. Or at least that's the way I feel right now. I use to be so self sufficient. But now I am just a silly little girl. I wear my heart on my sleeve and it is a detriment to my soul. But how Do you change something when you don't even realize that you are doing it until its done. Its to late and you are

2003-10-15T15:02:00.000-07:00

You Are My Sister We Are Of The Same Blood And Breath Bonded Forever * By Ryan Phillips My Brother Wrote me this in my birthday card last year and I just found it today. It makes me happy so I wanted to put it in here.

2003-10-15T03:35:00.000-07:00

I never knew it could be this way It was never shown to me intense, insane, incredible Crazy Beautiful in every way. "Is there someone out there that is supposed to be for you, you know, that one person who you are meant to be with for eternity. If there is one person for each of us then why does it take so damn long to find " - Robert Work is going well, I am having alot of fun learning all

2003-10-12T22:29:00.000-07:00

my life is very happy right now I am having really good luck- I hope Im not jinksing my self by saying this but I am really excited- I have met someone who is special. He is so beautiful. I love his brain and his body. He really makes me happy and I love to be with him. I just like to be around him and as strange as it sounds... I just want to look at him. Just stare him down because I Have never

2003-10-05T00:41:00.000-07:00

My teeth are fixed for the moment!!! Very happy and not feeling much pain. So not much to write about...sabrinia is starting to really gross me out. I wish she didn't say some of the things that she did today. Its just not right. I know she's just a really strange Girl but- Still, I dont want to listen to that crap< I have to pretend like it doesn't bother me- But It does. I think henry is

2003-10-02T20:01:00.000-07:00

NO MORE HAPPY TOOTH!!! yeah! its great...but I cant smoke for a few days- not good but anyways I went to henrys last night and watched TV with him...I love being near him- He just makes me smile alot. today was alittle crazy...I woke up early to go to the hospital. we got there around 745 and I went in @ 8, as soon as they pul the IV in I was out- Like 5 min. later- It was awesome. the nurse woke

2003-09-29T22:44:00.000-07:00

Today has been the best day ever!!!! I got this fabulose job and I am totally stoked! I get to go to new york in december and I am so>o happy! I am the office manager and I work from 12 -5 monday thru friday so awesome... I am so Happy> I found a tiny kitten today but mom said I had to take it to the shelter tomarrow morning. so that sucks... But everything else rocks! I talked to danny tonite

2003-09-28T22:12:00.000-07:00

Things have gotten sooo much better!!! I got a job today working with Brents mom They just started a business. So I am their receptionist/sales rep. very cool- awesome hours and kind of interesting job. I make commision on the sales so thats cool. I saw Henry yesterday,There's something so hot about him! He's beautiful and thoughtful. He paints and writes and he likes pearl jam (just like me)

2003-09-27T01:24:00.000-07:00

My Life has reached an all time low... I was called a Coos tonite by a stupid piece of shit, red neck, white trash,mother fucker. I have no I dea what a "Coos" is but I think its a bad thing- he said "fuck you, Coos" So yeah- and I wanted to be with him? what the fuck was I thinking- Yes its true Mark is a jerk- Sorry I didn't listen to you guys. But thats okay its all my stupid stubborn fault. I

2003-09-25T16:45:00.000-07:00

Snow can wait, I forgot my mittens, Wipe my nose, put my new boots on. I get a little warm in my heart when I think of winter put my hand in my fathers coat.. I run off where the drifts get deeper, Sleeping beauty trips me with a frown. I hear a voice, "you must learn to stand up for yourself cauz I can't always be around." He said, "when you gonna make up your mind, when you gonna love you as

2003-09-25T00:46:00.000-07:00

Things have gone from bad to worse... I still have no job and its really getting me down. My mother is pissed @ me and everything is sucky- but suprisingly i am in good spirits.I went to see jeff earier this week and he doesn't care, he just wanted to have sex- but i didnt give in to him. hes just a shit head and im not going to see him ever again. I wouldn't mind talking to him on the phone but

2003-09-21T22:56:00.000-07:00

Ahhh! I think I have poison ivy-damn. It hurts really bad :( and whats even worse is that I dont know where else on my body I have touched after I scrached the hell out of it. I just thought it was a bug bite or something. and now every itch is freakin me out. I have had a weird week and I dont know if its a good weird or a bad one. *Mark told me he dosen't want to date me anymore in a text

2003-09-17T22:12:00.000-07:00

It was nice talking to lauren D tonight. I hate that feeling that's between us now. Its so sad... We were so close for so long and its like we dont even know eachother anymore. everyone grows apart. Tiff and I have been able to hold on through all of our changes and phases . I guess there are some people that you are ment to be with for life. We don't always see eye to eye but she's my Girl !( My

2003-09-16T11:46:00.000-07:00

So I run faster but it caught me here, yes my loyalties turn like my ankle in the seventh grade running after billy, running after the rain, These precious things let them bleed let them wash away. these precious things let them bring, me home. he said your really an ungly girl but i like the way you play,and I died but I thanked him- can you belive it, sick sick- holding on to his picture

2003-09-09T22:32:00.000-07:00

Life is Grand!!! Or not so much- not for me,not right now I have know Idea where I stand in general and it drives me nutz. I hate my job, I hate my shitty life right now. meaningless exsistance. Have you ever been in a room of people and felt so alone. Thats how I feel everyday. Trust no one- not for a while. nOt till I get things together. I feel like i will never get things together. I cant

2003-09-02T22:47:00.000-07:00

talked to Nathan tonight-It was weird but it was all right. I hate when he talks about the past. Things "we" use to do, say, think,-all of it. It just makes me feel sick inside- the vibes are all fucked up between him and I. Its a cross between love and hate> But mostly I am unhappy< Not with myself but with him. And I dont have the right to feel this way. so all night I just said to myself "this

2003-09-01T23:16:00.000-07:00

It's been so long sence I've written in this thing... So much has happend in the last few weeks!! I Got to see my Old school friend Jamie. That was really cool! Work is the same ol' shit not much excitement there. just tring to make a dolla, with no success- not much anyways... To much bullshit work politics- can't deal with people telling me what to do or constantly bitching. Hanging out with

2003-08-12T18:02:00.000-07:00

Hey work is going good- except I felt like total ass today-this morning I made good tips and the job is so easy. saw nicole and snooped around her work... cool shit- not much else to write down I love pearl Jam, something about Eddie Vedder's voice that can alter your mood so much- Its very awesome, hard to explain- not quite soothing but something like that.hehe- Hes a sexy man+++ daddy like

2003-08-10T00:09:00.000-07:00

hanging out with my brother is pretty cool, now that he doesn't live @ home anymore-haha I think we will get along much better now> I love him so much! I hope he knows how much I adore him Neuhaus is alot of fun- lots of chocolate-thats bad for me I am a total chocolate freak and its nice! Everyone is so awesome there...and I get to meet alot of people that work in the mall (good for hook ups)

2003-08-07T18:24:00.000-07:00

everythings kind of coming together strange but really cool Im so glad that I have met really cool people lately. thanks lauren and nicole! I had fun playing pool and going to bennigans last night. ya'll are alot of fun. Im actually talking to nathan in a "friendly" way now thats really nice. I hate fighting with people so its nice to be friends. but its gonna stay that way- haha no more boys

2003-08-03T22:06:00.000-07:00

The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like the fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop, and everyone goes "awwww!" ~ Jack Kerouac This was

2003-08-01T15:33:00.000-07:00

lots has changed Too much has changed- Aliza is a stupid bitch and I made sure she knew that the other day you suck, dirty ho! (hehe) Oh well thats the end of my career @ the body shop too bad- but its cool now its all about neuhaus and I can finally get my nose peirced- Its cool there, but not at the body shop hell ya- kick ass but anyways- I called stupid the other day and he too has moved to

2003-07-21T00:43:00.000-07:00

went where the girls are beautiful golden hair and raident smiles cocain high, oblivian to pain made me feel so inadiquit and insane for that feel good feelin nights of helium,transmit vapor feelin gimm and grimey oh tokyo's not far enough from where I wanna be -today thats where it hits me,and splits me right in half out spills the emptiness would you like some company,no thanks I've had my

2003-07-19T00:21:00.000-07:00

I had a wonderful day!!!! I went to nicole's friends house ( she's house sitting) and had a awesome "fuzzy navel" got a little buzz and floated around in the pool- nice! then we got pizza and a movie and it was soo fun! went to starbucks to chat with bren and his friend russel and then went to tiff's and watched another movie! It was a good time, nice day A little hot but thats ok. I still miss

2003-07-18T00:13:00.000-07:00

I had the greatest time tonight! I had alot of fun and thats new- I haven't had good fun in a long time. ya'll are cool gals. can't wait to turn 21 so we can actually get in places. hehe. Thanks a bunch ladys- you made my day!! tomarrow jamie comes to town. it will be nice to see him- Im actually kind of excited...if he doesnt get too drunk early on then I might be able to kick it with him haha.

2003-07-16T22:33:00.000-07:00

EVERYONE CAN FUCK OFF I am so done with everyones shit*****

2003-07-15T23:35:00.000-07:00

"Excuse me, but can I be you for awhile?" Isn't so crazy how much we've all changed... maybe she's just pieces of me you've never seen. You dont know how many nights I lay awake thinking about just that. I can't explain who I am- I can't put things in to words, but if I could I would tell you just how I feel About everything- all of it- with out even pausing. I want to be able to talk to people.

2003-07-13T00:07:00.000-07:00

Today sucked I was sick last night and now I am feeling like crap again well... Not much to say except I did nothing today- watched a few movies and thats about it. I still miss jeff and haven't heard from him in a while. I feel like I've pissed him off. I went to see him one day with out calling first and he was none to happy. But i didnt think it would be a big deal- He was having an "alone"

2003-07-10T00:08:00.000-07:00

I'm HOME!!!! yeah- Its great to be back-I guess I love you and thought about you everyday I was gone and continue to think about you. I wish you would call. I wanna be with you

2003-07-07T19:35:00.000-07:00

This has been a great trip... we are leaving in two days and I will be back to the old grind stone. back to work and back to interning. Its funny-here in michigan I dont smoke nearly as much, I dont worry, I dont stress. Its because I know I will be taken care of and that I dont have to worry about "what Im gonna do". Not nearly as much anyways. Its like being a small child and knowing that

2003-07-05T18:18:00.000-07:00

I am in MICHIGAN>>> Its really great weather and lots of beautiful landscapes to look at. Its kind of lonely though I miss the everyday grind that I am so use to but its good to get away. I haven't been to stressed out except for yesterday when our family had a major blow out. My aunts are asses and don't know the right way to deal with family- My uncles are a bunch of pussy whipped men that

2003-06-30T22:12:00.000-07:00

where the river cross- crosses the lake where the words jump off my pen and in to your pages do you think just like that, you can divide this? you as your's me as mine two before we were us? If the rain has to seperate from itself does it say "pick out your cloud" If there is a horizontal line that run from the map off your body, straight throught the land shooting up right through my heart

2003-06-28T23:34:00.000-07:00

tipsytiffy: hey stinky HeNrIeTtApUsYkAt: what s up HeNrIeTtApUsYkAt: how was your night tipsytiffy: where are you?!?!?!?!?! HeNrIeTtApUsYkAt: Where are you? HeNrIeTtApUsYkAt: im @ my house- tipsytiffy: my night was good tipsytiffy: i'm at home HeNrIeTtApUsYkAt: why are you weird? tipsytiffy: huh? tipsytiffy: i'm not weird HeNrIeTtApUsYkAt: ookay... tipsytiffy: look at my info tipsytiffy: daddy

2003-06-26T21:33:00.000-07:00

To day was such a waste- it was fun wasting a day, doing absolutly nothing. I haven't done that in a long ass time. But anyways things will be busy tomarrow... not much else to say. Matt left today (yeah!) no more harassment and weirdo shit-from him anyway.Now I just need to get through school- first I have to go to michigan next week. hopefully for a relaxing vacation and spend time with the

2003-06-25T22:24:00.000-07:00

Yeah! my friend alanna is coming home next week..hopefully before I go on vacation... anyways today we changed our event @ work- we are having a giant sale. It was alot of work but It was cool... And I had a massage @ 1 this afternoon- this total hottie It was kind of weird. he was totally cute though. So thats about it not much else going on tonight or day... jUst chillin, takin' it easy.

2003-06-24T22:13:00.000-07:00

DRUG DEALERS BELONG SIX FEET UNDER!!!! I hate all drug dealers and druggies. Ya'll suck a big one! These people are a waste of space-a waste of life and we would all be better off with out you. I don't care who you are-if you are in to that hard core shit, you need to die... Trust me we all would be so much better off if you did not exist. I have had a realization that my friends are no longer

2003-06-23T00:53:00.000-07:00

HE SAID I LOVE YOU... that's so not cool. love is a word that's so over used. What does love really mean anyways> I guess it means something different to everyone. To me it means alot and I am not cool with throwing that word around. Its such a misunderstood word. Everyone has their own definition . So how can anyone really know what it means when someone says it. I mean, saying "I LOVE YOU" to

2003-06-21T23:42:00.000-07:00

today was a very productive day The only thing that sucks is that I have stress blisters on the side of my mouth. Its kind of gross...and it hurts bad. oh well I did two massages and went to work. wow, my life is really boring. I did get my necklace back from nathan... that makes me happy. and well- I guess this day has been pretty good. Matt hasn't called- so unlike him. considering he called me

2003-06-19T23:41:00.000-07:00

Today has been really crappy- You know when you've done something- not so honestly to get ahead and you feel kind of crappy... yeah thats my feelings right now. damn you! stupid brain! why do I care? really> people do that sort of thing all the time. awe well. Lucky me, some times I feel like i'm the only one in the world that knows right from wrong. My IM is not working and that really pisses